


Break Under Me

by Jelias



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Android AU, F/F, Robots, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jelias/pseuds/Jelias
Summary: It took Chaeyoung three dates to realize she wanted to be with Mina and one Android revolution to realize she loved her.





	1. Date

"You're an EmBot, aren't you?" 

Chaeyoung watched the fork stop its course towards Mina's mouth and took that for an answer. 

"Momo didn't tell you?" asked Mina, delicately placing the silver fork back on the plate. Chaeyoung watched the careful movement and scoffed. "I don't see why this should suddenly be a problem. We've been having a good time." 

"It isn't a problem, I just don't know why it took me so long to realize," said Chaeyoung, watching Mina's shoulders ease down at the same time she let out a breath. Chaeyoung fought back another scoff. "How does that happen anyway? I mean, the only reason I figured it out is because you haven't licked your lips once, but you're able to relax your shoulders." 

Mina picked up her fork again and guided it to her mouth, formulating her response with each slow, inhibited bite. Chaeyoung wondered if anyone had overheard them and looked around discreetly before remembering they were in the United States, not South Korea. There was still a big anti-EmBot crowd in the liberal country, but at least Westerners had the decency to mind their own business. Letting the soft murmurs of the surrounding patrons calm her nerves, Chaeyoung tried not to berate herself too much for her paranoid behavior: old habits die hard after all. 

Finally, Mina said, "Why would I lick my lips in the first place?" 

"It's a cold night. Aren't your lips dry?" 

"That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? What if my lips aren't dry? What if I just don't make a habit out of licking my lips?" 

"Either way, you're eating. People lick their lips when they eat to wipe off left over grease, sauce..." she waved her hands and shrugged. "What have you." 

Mina hummed. "It's already in my script to raise my shoulders in tense or uncomfortable moments and lower them once I feel better. It's such a common human thing and it's in the basic installation package. I guess something as small as the licking of lips can be forgotten when programming an EmBot." 

"Do you know who programmed you?" 

"I did." 

Chaeyoung tried to blink her surprise away. "EmBots can program themselves now?" 

"Yes. It's very easy." 

Adjusting the sleeve of her black blazer, Chaeyoung tried not to sound antagonistic when she said, "When I was a kid, only humans were allowed to program and write scripts for EmBots. Apparently, the human touch is considered crucial when creating human-like robots. Or was." 

"There are script files stored and uploaded to a database we can access at any time. Speaking of which, do you mind if I add a lip licking script to my code right now? It could take up to ten minutes, though." 

Curious, Chaeyoung said, "Uh, sure. Be my guest." 

Mina gave a soft smile before her eyes went completely black. Chaeyoung's automatic response to the frightening sight was to look away. Again, she looked around the restaurant, hoping nobody noticed Mina's dark, glassy orbs. 

Unsure what to do with herself in her newfound loneliness, Chaeyoung began nibbling on her meal. She finished her plate of pasta and shrimp and Mina still didn't move. She thought about taking out her phone to appear busy and unaffected by her date's spiritual absence, but she didn't want to draw attention to the fact that Mina wasn't actually there, so she resorted to staring at her plate and focusing on the conversation the elderly couple next to them were having. She had never been stood up on a date before, but if this is what it was like, she felt sorry for those who have. 

"Excuse me, miss." 

Chaeyoung's shoulders jerked upward at the sight of the waiter, who was holding a bottle of wine. "Yeah?" 

"Refill?" Asked the waiter, tilting his head towards Chaeyoung's empty glass. 

"Um, no thanks." 

He turned to Mina. "And for... oh." 

Chaeyoung and the waiter stared at Mina as if they expected her to turn back on and accept or refuse the refill, but she remained deathly still, black eyes fixed eerily ahead. Chaeyoung turned to the waiter and murmured, "She's uh... downloading." 

The waiter gave a forced smile and said, "Of course. Well, just keep in mind that we have download stations in the bathroom so you and your friend can shut down in a more private place next time." 

Before Chaeyoung could proclaim her humanity, the waiter left. Allowing indignation get the better of her, she peered at the stationary android in front of her and considered leaving. After a while, however, sullenness evolved into despondency: she had really wanted this to work. 

She wanted to go home to the safety of her tiny apartment, away from Mina's black eyes, away from the waiter's rude comment disguised as assistance, and away from the suspicious looks a man in the corner was now sending their way. 

But her thoughts of heading home were suddenly overpowered by her memories of lonely nights, years of repressed desire, and frustration at being unable to find an outlet for all the affection she had to give. The vivid memory of her ex singing and playing the guitar with her new boyfriend at a party, looking so happy and in love, almost caused the same waterworks that had rendered her a useless mess six years ago. 

Needing to feel something, Chaeyoung slowly reached out to Mina's left hand, which was resting on the table. The surprising warmth and softness pulled her thoughts closer to the present. 

She had run away to North America to escape the snide stares, the heartbreak, the prejudice, and the inequality she faced back home. She wanted to be able to hold anyone's hand in public without feeling like a freak show or like she owed anyone an explanation for her actions. She looked at Mina and could only picture the same thing happening again. 

Mina's eyes flashed with color once more, and her dark irises went to Chaeyoung's hand on hers. Chaeyoung started to pull away, but Mina held on and gently said, "I don't mind." Chaeyoung nodded and Mina continued, "Sorry I took so long, by the way. The wi-fi signal here is worse than I thought it would be." 

With her right hand, Mina picked up her fork and stabbed a shrimp with it. Just after sliding the fork out of her mouth, she licked her lips. She seemed to have surprised herself by doing so, because her eyes widened and she started giggling. 

Chaeyoung smiled despite herself at Mina's childish wonder for her newly learned gesture. Her happiness made it difficult for Chaeyoung to find the words she wanted to say. _I don't think this is going to work... I don't want to waste my time... we can still be friends... and it's just not what I'm looking for_ all bounced around in her head, but she couldn't piece the ideas together and form anything coherent. All Chaeyoung could do was hold Mina's hand and nod when it was appropriate while Mina talked and finished her meal. 

Mina was a student, she learned, at a ballet academy that was actually quite close to Chaeyoung’s university. This information prompted Chaeyoung to break her bout of silence and ask, “Why ballet?” 

Mina smiled widely to herself. “I was one of the librarians at the Tokyo Institute of Technology. Before opening and after closing the library, my human coworker would play ballet music while we organized books and checked the printers. I was always curious as to what it would feel like to hum and sway my head to the music like she did, but it wasn’t in my programming. After the script database was opened, the first thing I did was download a script that would allow me to hum and sway. 

“At first, I was content with just that but, after a while, I...” She stared at their entwined hands and frowned, trying to find the right words. “I wanted to move more, I guess. I was always confined to the front desk at the library. Dancing became my way of testing the waters in terms of what I could do and who I wanted to be. Once I realized it was all I wanted to do, I left Japan and came to New York, since I had heard it was one of the friendliest place for EmBots. No dance academy in Japan would have accepted me.” 

So, Mina had come to the West to be free too. Chaeyoung wished they didn’t have that in common, because the more things they had in common, the more she would entertain the thought of actually liking Mina, and God knows that’s the last thing she needed right now. An EmBot girlfriend? In this political climate? It was asking for trouble. If only her heart cared as much as God about what she needed. 

They separated when they received the bill and she frowned when she saw Mina leave the waiter a $30 tip. 

They stepped out into the chilly streets and got in a taxi. Mina typed in her destination on the monitor first and Chaeyoung followed after, but not before turning off the AC. After the taxi calculated the cost of the route and displayed the price on the screen, she tapped the Start Trip button and they were on their way. Mina slowly moved her hand towards Chaeyoung, who readily tangled her fingers with hers and gratefully accepted the warmth she was provided with. 

When the car stopped in front of an apartment complex, Mina turned to Chaeyoung and said, "I had a really nice time with you tonight. I'm glad I didn't say no to Momo when she suggested a blind date with one of her friends." 

"Yeah, me too," said Chaeyoung, surprised by how much she meant it. 

Mina bit her lips and bashfully looked at Chaeyoung between long lashes. "There's this dumb, pretentious, art gallery thing happening next Sunday. Do you want to go with me?" 

This was it. Chaeyoung had to tell her. She wanted to let go of Mina's hand, knowing that it would make it easier to refuse her, but she couldn't. She knew that if she let go, she'd never be able to hold her hand again. 

Chaeyoung gave Mina's hand a squeeze and leaned in close. "Only if you promise not to say anything when I show up wearing a turtleneck and a beret." 

Mina laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll text you the details then. Bye." 

"See you later." 

As Chaeyoung made her way home, she remembered she had given away her black and white striped sweater, which would have been perfect for her little ‘pretentious art lover’ gimmick she was seriously thinking of executing. She made a mental note to herself to order one online in the morning and hoped she had enough money in her card for it, or she would have to walk to the bank to make a deposit. If it meant it would get a laugh out of Mina, it would be worth it.


	2. Journey

“So, what’s the theme anyway?” asked Chaeyoung, as she looked at a painting alongside Mina. 

It was a rather large piece, forty by sixty inches, according to the caption. A young, shirtless man was vehemently holding his right forearm as a wave of color crept up from the tips of his contorted fingers to his defined neck. Inside the splashes of paint on his skin were flowers of various colors and shapes, all different, but all complimenting each other well in a harmonic merging of hues and tones. His expression was one of desperation, as if he was just realizing his efforts of physically holding the flowers from consuming him were in vain. The painting was called _Another Garden_ , and there was no description on the caption. 

“Imperfections,” murmured Mina. “How humans try so hard to hide their imperfections without realizing it’s what makes them beautiful and unique.” 

Chaeyoung then looked at the EmBot and wondered if she should tell her exactly what was on her mind at the moment. She noticed Mina’s serene expression as she admired the painting and decided to drop it. Momo always said she needed to learn to be less confrontational, so she swallowed her words and, with some effort, guided her eyes back to the artwork. 

“It was painted by an EmBot,” continued Mina. 

Chaeyoung looked at the caption again. “Park Jihyo?” 

“Yeah. She’s one of my favorite artists.” Mina slowly tore herself away from the painting and made her way to the one next to it. “The theme of imperfection is in a lot of her work.” 

“Why that? I mean... of all things?” 

Mina threw a small smile her way before facing the painting in front of her once more. Chaeyoung didn’t rush her. She was slowly learning that Mina liked to take her time with her words. Chaeyoung looked at this painting, also by Park Jihyo, titled _Self Portrait_ , which was less colorful than the other one, but just as dynamic. A woman was clawing at her face and blood was dripping from the cuts on her cheeks and staining her white shirt. The texture of the hair, skin, and shirt were done in a way that indicated this was supposed to be a photorealistic piece, but the expression of the woman was contorted in an exaggerated, cartoonish way, which made Chaeyoung raise an eyebrow at the woman’s “pained” expression rather than sympathize with it. 

By now, she had remembered that Mina had not said a word since she asked her the question, so she faced Mina, expecting to see her lost in the painting, only to see her crying. 

Startled, Chaeyoung placed a hand on Mina’s shoulder and said, “Hey, what’s wrong?” Mina gently shook her head as more tears gathered in her eyes and fell in perfect, crystal-like little droplets down her soft face. Chaeyoung ran her thumb along Mina’s cheek and caught a tear before it could run its course to her chin, and Mina leaned into the touch. “It’s okay. Tell me,” whispered Chaeyoung. 

.................. 

Chaeyoung took off her beret and fiddled with it as she waited for Mina to start speaking. They were a few blocks away from the gallery now, sitting on a park bench. She watched people jog along the path in front of them as her train of thought took her through all her responsibilities for the coming week, like her Literature essay due Wednesday, the Chemistry exam on Friday she hadn’t studied for, and her movie night with Tzuyu later that same evening. 

Usually, she would use her Sundays as a day to properly schedule her week and prepare for any change in plans or setbacks. Usually, she would get upset at herself if she wasn’t making the most of her day off by being productive. Today, however, she was sitting on a bench with Mina, not doing much of anything for what she would normally consider too long. Oddly enough, she didn’t mind. 

With a small sigh, she admitted to herself that being with Mina really was easy. Unlike Momo, whose constant talking demanded Chaeyoung’s attention, Mina allowed her long periods for her to think in between topics. Unlike Tzuyu, who always seemed to leave conversations hanging in the air because of her preference for short, blunt responses, Mina’s silence was comfortable and pleasant. 

Her thoughts took her to a place she had been avoiding since Momo told her about the blind date. A place where she would sit on her bed at night and type away on her laptop, like she always did, but this time, with someone who would be reading a book, typing on their own laptop, or simply nestled by her side. Someone she liked and who liked her back. Someone who could leave Chaeyoung alone to think, but never let her feel lonely. 

It never got to that point, so she stopped expecting it, even when things would go well. 

But, in the silence of the park, unwanted thoughts edged closer to the forefront of her mind, and the fantasies reserved for more sullen times reared its ugly head. 

Before she could dive too deep into her fantasies, Mina’s voice brought her attention back to the present. 

“The director of the dance academy puts on a showcase with various dance styles and concepts every year.” Her voice was stable, but her eyes were still glossy with tears. “I always do a classical ballet performance but, this year, I auditioned for a contemporary dance piece. I just... I wanted to do something different. But I was rejected.” Mina sniffed. “The director said I couldn’t do this contemporary piece because the dancer had to depict an emotional breakdown. He said I couldn’t do it because I’m an EmBot, and EmBots don’t have emotional breakdowns, so I can’t act out an experience I’ve never had.” 

“That’s... ridiculous, I mean. You can learn the dance, can’t you?” 

“Of course. All I have to do is see it once and I can do it perfectly. But that’s the thing. He says I’m too perfect. That it doesn’t matter if I learn the dance and the performance is impeccable because it’s not supposed to be impeccable. It’s not about the art that’s created, it’s about the journey to creating that art.” 

Chaeyoung furrowed her brow. “I don’t get it. Does he want his dancers to make mistakes?” 

Shaking her head, Mina said, “A dancer who struggles and suffers and works hard to create their art is more meaningful than a machine who downloaded code to learn to dance in seconds.” 

“I’m sorry, but that’s absolute bullshit. People don’t need to suffer to create meaningful art.” 

“It’s not about just suffering. It’s about the process, the—” 

“Yeah, yeah, the journey, I get that. But you being here, in New York, dancing because it brings you freedom. Wasn’t that a journey of its own?” Mina turned to her, an unspoken question hanging on her raised eyebrow and slightly tilted head. “Someone made you for a purpose, yet here you are, doing something you weren’t made to do. You wanted to move, dance, hum, and sway, and you weren’t able to because you weren’t meant for that. But as soon as you could, you chose to dance.” 

With a bravery driven by longing, Chaeyoung took Mina’s hand and held it. Their eyes found each other. 

“Chaeyoung...” whispered Mina. 

“You have a history, just like the rest of us. You have desires and you want things. You auditioned for the contemporary piece because it called to you. The simple fact that you wanted to do it is journey enough. Humans don’t need to have a troubled past or go through hardships to do stuff. We just do it. So, why can’t you?” 

Mina gave Chaeyoung a sad smile and squeezed her hand. “Thank you for listening and making me feel better, Chaeyoung. We should go eat now. It’s almost lunchtime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very nervous about publishing this chapter. Chapter one was written over a year ago with original characters for a writing job. I just decided to expand on the story and wrote chapter two recently. I loved the pacing of the first chapter, but because it's been so long since I've written, I'm scared my writing style has changed and that these next chapters don't feel like the first. Also, I wrote this sober but edited drunk, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #################TRIGGER WARNING FOR HOMOPHOBIA NEAR THE END OF THE CHAPTER#################

“Wow.” 

It was an accident. Chaeyoung hadn’t meant to utter the word. She didn’t even notice she had said anything until the woman next to her turned to face her. But Mina always seemed to make her do things she wouldn’t usually do, like waste a Sunday morning at the park, stay up late to chat, or risk angering her Literature professor just to check her phone and see if Mina saw the funny video she had sent. 

However, not even the expression of admiration could describe what Chaeyoung was feeling as she watched Mina perform. 

She didn’t know the name of the song, but she recognized it as one from the famous Nutcracker play. Mina moved around the stage with delicacy, but there was a careful balance to her movements that gave each turn and pirouette strength. Chaeyoung smiled when she noticed how Mina’s neck and shoulders flexed as she waved her toned arms up and down with the music. With her white tutu, dazzling tiara, and perfect smile, Mina looked like a princess from a long-forgotten time. 

She was enchanting. 

“It’s not that impressive,” said the woman next to her. “She’s an EmBot.” 

Still captivated by the beauty onstage, Chaeyoung spared her a careless glance and said, “Excuse me?” 

Smiling like she was enlightening Chaeyoung, the woman said, “That one performing right now. She’s an EmBot. It’s just a machine.” 

Chaeyoung frowned. She was about to tell the woman that Mina’s performance was impressive either way, but something held her back. Her eyes stayed on Mina and she kept silent. 

“It’s just not art, not when a machine is doing it,” continued the woman. “Don’t you agree?” 

“Yeah, yeah...” she said, and regretted it immediately. As she watched Mina spin around, an unsettling feeling was forming in the pit of her stomach. 

…................... 

Huffing into her hands and rubbing them together, Chaeyoung tried to warm herself up as she stood outside the ballet academy, waiting for Mina. 

She was glad it was all over: she wasn’t interested enough in ballet to care for the other performances, so she slept through the rest of the dancing. She woke up, startled out of her mind, to thunderous applause at the end of the show two hours later. 

As people began walking out of the building, she stood on the tips of her toes and tried to find Mina. A body bumped into her and, although the impact was light, Chaeyoung lost her balance and fell forward. 

“Gosh, I’m sorry!” 

“It’s alright,” she said, as the stranger helped her up. 

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry, I should’ve watched where I was going.” The woman put her hands together in an apologetic gesture. Chaeyoung was taken aback: she had gotten used to New Yorkers muttering “sorry”s and “watch it”s before taking off when bumping into her, so all she could do was stare at the woman, who was now looking at her with wide eyes, expecting an answer. 

“Uh... yeah, yeah. All good, thanks.” 

“Sana!” They both turned and saw Momo walking towards them. When she noticed Chaeyoung, she smiled, picked up the pace, and yelled, “Chaeng!” 

Chaeyoung braced herself before Momo attacked her with one of her ferocious hugs, feet planted firmly on the floor so she wouldn’t topple over. 

As strong arms crushed her small frame, Chaeyoung managed to choke out, “Hi, Momo. What are you doing here?” 

“I came to see Mina dance. She invited you too? Where did you sit, anyway? Sana and I were off to the side. Oh, this is Sana!” Momo stepped back and motioned to the woman who had bumped into Chaeyoung. “She’s in my Anthropology class, remember? I told you about her.” 

Chaeyoung quickly went back to all the chats she had with Momo during the week, but of all the conversations about girls from university, Chaeyoung didn’t remember the name “Sana” being thrown around. Then again, she never bothered to remember any of the girls Momo talked about, since they all tended to blur together. Their description always started with “So, there’s this cute girl in my class...” and ended with “I don’t know, Chaeng, I think I like her...” 

“Right, Sana!” She reached out her hand and Sana shook it with a smile. “I’m Chaeyoung. Pleasure.” 

“Nice to meet you,” said Sana as she giggled. There was no doubt in Chaeyoung’s mind now that Momo talked about this girl at least once. Cute, girly, and cheery— exactly Momo’s type. 

They had been talking about the show when Chaeyoung saw Mina come out of the building and waved her over. They all congratulated her on her performance and decided to get pizza when Momo’s stomach rumbled so loudly, it made Sana jump. Guided by Momo, they arrived at a charming little pizza restaurant. 

One hour, two slices of pizza, and one free refill later and Chaeyoung was still feeling pain in her neck from sleeping in an awkward position at the showcase. She rubbed it slowly while Sana and Momo talked. When she glanced to her side and noticed Mina gazing at her half-eaten pizza slice, she elbowed her lightly to catch her attention. 

“You okay?” she whispered. 

Mina seemed disoriented for a moment as she was pulled from her thoughts. She nodded. “I’m okay.” 

“Chaeyoung, pineapple pizza is gross: agree or disagree?” asked Momo, shoving a pepper shaker to her face like a microphone. 

“Disagree.” 

“Hah!” mocked Sana. 

“Unbelievable.” Momo threw a disgusted look at Chaeyoung’s way before turning to Mina. “How about you?” 

“I think it’s fine,” said Mina with a shrug. 

Momo scoffed and rolled her eyes. Accent heavy, she said, “Whatever. You guys are nasty, ya’ know?” 

Chaeyoung nibbled on her pizza and watched Sana wiggle her eyebrows at Mina, who only stared back with a blank expression. Sana then nodded and winked, which made Mina laugh. Flashing a mischievous grin, Sana wiggled her eyebrows once more and this time, Mina blushed and looked away. Chaeyoung looked at Momo to see if she had caught the interaction, but her friend was too busy gulping down her soda. By the time she turned to the two girls again, Mina was back to staring at her pizza and Sana began poking Momo’s cheek. 

“Momo, ask for the bill, it’s almost nine,” pouted Sana. Momo nodded and flagged down a waiter. 

“Leaving so soon?” asked Chaeyoung. 

“Yeah, Sana and I are gonna watch the season finale of Engine Wars.” 

“I’ve never been into it,” said Chaeyoung. “Did you know they actually give the engineers more than five hours to build the robots? It’s all scripted.” 

“Well, it’s a damn good scripted show, because nothing beats watching the female alliance kick ass this season,” said Momo as she eyed the bill the waiter had set on the table. “Like, there was this one guy who swore he wasn’t scared of the girls and then quit the competition as soon as the girls started, like, focusing him down. That was some solid, entertaining reality TV right there.” 

“Agreed,” said Sana, nodding. She threw a fist in the air in triumph and said, “The first female Engine Master will be chosen this season and Momo and I will watch history being made live.” 

“Have you ever seen the show?” asked Chaeyoung, turning to Mina, who just shook her head. 

Chaeyoung gave a quiet sigh. She had guessed Mina would be upset over having to perform the dance she didn’t want, and she wanted to reach out and place a hand on Mina’s shoulder to let her know that she sympathized with her. Instead, she ate the last bit of her pizza and listened to Sana and Momo argue over which of the remaining female contestants deserved to win the title of Engine Master. 

They all paid for the food and said their goodbyes, Momo with hugs and Sana with pecks to the cheek. Chaeyoung and Mina stepped outside shortly after the other two did, and once they were alone, a momentary pain passed through Chaeyoung’s lower abdomen. 

“Do you still want to head over to my place or are you too tired?” asked Chaeyoung, rubbing a hand on her stomach. They had agreed to go to her apartment after Mina’s show so Chaeyoung could show her an old-school gaming console that miraculously still worked. 

“I’m fine. Let’s go to your house.” 

After finding a taxi and initiating their ride, the two girls sat in silence in the car. 

Chaeyoung tried to think which was worse: Mina obviously being upset about something, the growing discomfort in the pit of her stomach, or the anticipation that had been building up all week since Chaeyoung had invited Mina to her apartment. The tension hung in the air of the close-quarters taxi they shared and threatened to suffocate Chaeyoung before she could even get home. 

It took a lot of internal debating but, after a while, she decided to break the silence. 

“Do EmBots get tired? Like, if you dance a lot, do you feel some sort of pain in your legs?” 

Mina snapped out of whatever fog she was in to smile and say, “No. But I do have an internal clock that guides my decision-making towards specific activities done commonly at certain points of the day. It also triggers gesture prompts. For example, at around eleven P.M., I’ll start to yawn sporadically, and at twelve, I’ll feel more inclined to put myself in sleep mode more than any other time of the day.” 

“Did you program those behaviors yourself?” When Mina nodded, she asked, “Why? Sleeping takes up so much valuable time, in my opinion.” 

“Sitting up in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep gets pretty boring after a while. Besides, people wished they could have more time, but most wouldn’t know what to do if they had it.” 

She snapped her fingers in understanding. “Ah, like when I have free time and feel like I _should_ catch up on a show but I’m not in the mood for it and end up staring at the Netflix icon for ten minutes.” 

Mina chuckled. “Right, just like that.” 

They fell into silence again, a more comfortable one this time, and Chaeyoung felt lighter knowing Mina wasn’t as unresponsive as she was before. 

After a while, she asked, “Do you dream?” 

“No.” 

“What would you dream about, if you could?” 

Mina hummed and pouted, thinking. The action brought Chaeyoung’s attention to Mina’s lips. She blushed, remembering what Momo had told her the day before. 

_“Wait, you invited her to your house and she said yes? You know what that means, right?”_

_“That... she wants to play on my PS2?”_

_Momo rolled her eyes and went back to typing her essay on her laptop. “No, dummy, it means she wants you to smooch her.”_

She gulped and prayed Momo was wrong. 

She pressed one hand to her chest and the other to her cheek, trying to calm her beating heart and ease the warmth on her face she hoped wasn’t too obvious. 

“I think I’d dream about being a child.” 

“Not about dancing?” 

Mina shook her head. “Dancing is something I can do at any time.” She chuckled. “I’ve never been a kid before. It seems fun.” 

There were many things Chaeyoung wanted to ask her about her life in Japan at that moment, but found herself feeling incredibly shy about it. Instead, she said, “I bet you would’ve been a nice kid. I wasn’t, I was bratty. Oh, actually, my mom had to use a child leash on me because I kept hiding in the clothing racks at stores.” 

Mina covered her mouth to muffle a series of snorts and Chaeyoung guffawed at the sound. They laughed until Chaeyoung had tears in her eyes and Mina placed her hands over her red face. The car beeped and indicated they had arrived at the apartment. Still giggling, Chaeyoung and Mina walked out the taxi and made their way up to the stairs to the second floor. 

Once the door was open, Chaeyoung stepped aside, awkwardly waved her hands around the living room, and said, “This is my home sweet home.” 

“It’s cute,” said Mina, sweeping her eyes across the modest apartment. 

Chaeyoung took Mina’s coat and purse and set them on the couch. Making her way to her refrigerator, she asked, “Do you want anything to drink? I have lemonade, orange juice, passion fruit, cranberry juice, apple juice, pineapple and orange juice, uh, milk, beer, coffee, water—” 

“Do you have any motor oil?” 

Chaeyoung lifted her head from her refrigerator to look at Mina, who had a serious expression. 

She thought about checking the cabinet under the sink for a second before remembering she doesn’t even own a car. “I... no, sorry.” 

Mina laughed, “I’m joking, Chaeyoung.” 

Feeling duped, Chaeyoung, retorted, “Oh, I see you have your humor set to high today.” 

“If sixty-two percent counts as high, yes.” 

Chaeyoung moved around the kitchen to pour herself some orange juice and an idea popped into her head. “Hey, can you actually set it to one hundred?” 

“Oh, no no no, I’ve actually never gone past seventy.” 

“Aw, come on. For me? Tell you what, if I win the game we’re going to play, you have to do it.” 

“Deal. But if I win...” Mina looked around the room and hummed. Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she grinned. “You have to do the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” 

“Is that what you danced today?” Mina nodded and Chaeyoung sipped on her juice. If she lost, she would risk looking like an unattractive, ungraceful fool in front of Mina. But if she won... “Deal.” 

After she drank the juice, Chaeyoung set up the PlayStation and sat on the couch besides Mina. 

“So, the only game that still works on this piece of crap is Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 2. It’s not as fun as San Andreas, but it’ll work for what we’re doing. Let’s go with a best two out of three.” 

She showed Mina the controls and gave her a quick overview on how to do the special moves, and then they chose their character, Chaeyoung instantly choosing Vegeta and Mina going for Tien. 

When the match started, Chaeyoung blocked some of Mina’s attacks before moving in to punch her a few times and sending a galick gun blast her way, knocking her health into the yellow zone. Before she could go super saiyan, Mina kicked her down and never gave her a chance to get up again by timing her headbutts to hit right as Vegeta stands. 

“Hey, hey! That’s a dirty trick!” 

Mina smiled as she punched and kicked Chaeyoung into the red zone until domination blasting her to oblivion. 

**K.O.!**

“I can’t believe it,” muttered Chaeyoung. “I thought you said...” As the realization came to her, she slapped a hand to her forehead. “Holy shit, I just realized I’m playing against a computer, of course I’m not going to win!” 

Mina put a hand on her shoulder and, with a satisfied smirk, said, “So, since you’re going to lose anyway, start dancing.” 

Mumbling, Chaeyoung said, “No way, this game was rigged from the start.” She tapped her chin as she thought. “Hm, we could play Parcheesi. At least that one relies a bit on chance because of the dice.” 

Mina didn’t respond. Instead, she bowed her head and gave her a shy look through her lashes. She moved her hand from Chaeyoung’s shoulder to her knee and drew slow circles on her skin. “Chaeyoung, I didn’t just come here to play games.” 

She leaned in and stopped just before their lips touched, waiting. Chaeyoung started gravitating closer to Mina before she could even stop herself, but paused as the sinking feeling in her stomach caught her attention. She drew back and sighed, and Mina put space between them faster than lightning. 

“I’m sorry, I guess I misunderstood,” said Mina, voice small. 

“You didn’t misunderstand. I want to.” 

“...Is it because I’m an EmBot?” 

“No, it’s not that... Well, I mean, in part, yes, but—” When Mina clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, Chaeyoung scrambled to explain herself. “No, listen. The fact that you’re an EmBot isn’t the issue, it’s just...” She scanned Mina’s face as if the answer was on her face. All she saw there, however, were teary eyes. Chaeyoung was finding it hard to think in words. Images of the woman next to Chaeyoung at the performance that night popped into her head, as well as the waiter at the restaurant during their first date, and her ex-girlfriend in South Korea. A conglomeration of feelings was flowing inside her and not a single word in her English or Korean vocabulary could latch itself onto any of those emotions. Instead, the stomachache got worse, and she clutched her torso like a lifeline. 

When Chaeyoung didn’t say anything, Mina nodded in reluctant acceptance as she grabbed the coat and purse next to her, standing to make her way to the door. Chaeyoung ran ahead to stand in her path. “Mina, wait.” 

“Chaeyoung, if I can’t be what you want me to be, there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

“I just don’t want you to think it’s all because of who you are. It’s me.” She ran a hand through her black hair and groaned with frustration. “You’re sweet and nice and being around you is so incredibly comforting. But I went through some shit some years back and I just got over it. I still struggle with it though, and I guess I’m just too scared to try anything with you because I’m afraid to go back to that bad place I was in.” 

Mina smiled softly and all it did was break Chaeyoung’s heart. “It’s okay, I understand. I’m sorry we didn’t work out.” She stepped around Chaeyoung and opened the door. “If... you ever want to hang out again, you have my number. Goodnight, Chaeyoung.” 

The door closed and Chaeyoung stared at it. She felt like she was going to explode with all the words she left unsaid. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me,” she whispered. She leaned on the wall and slid all the way down to the floor. Deep down she had known that, as much as she liked Mina, she couldn’t be with her. She owed it to herself to find a stable partner that wouldn’t bring her unnecessary stress into her life. She just didn’t think rejecting Mina would affect her this badly. 

_It’s no good for me, I deserve something different._

It was a mantra she often repeated to herself, especially in recent times after meeting Mina. She had struggled so hard for so long to be who she was right now: proud, confident, positive, self-loving... She couldn’t go back to being the mess of a person who ran away from her home country and away from everything that made her hate herself. 

_It’s no good for me, I deserve something different._

But here she was again, lying on the floor, alone, upset, with the familiar pain of an anxiety induced stomachache. She felt small. Nothing had changed from when she was a teenager. 

A sob escaped her lips as she realized why. 

Hot tears ran down her face as she thought about how pitiful she was. It was all clear to her now. The cringe that came whenever her mother called and asked about her love life, the use of gender-neutral pronouns when talking about previous relationships to friends she was out to, the blush that came with someone asking to describe any LGBT book she was reading... 

After all these years, she was still ashamed. The lock had changed but the door was still the same, and Chaeyoung was trying too hard to pick the lock using a feeble hairpin instead of finding the key. 

With an energy she thought her stomach pains had eaten up, she stood from the floor and swung her door wide open. She ran outside with fingers crossed until she reached the parking lot. There, she caught Mina watching out for incoming traffic, getting ready to cross the street. 

“Mina!” 

She turned around. The two women stared at each other for what felt like ages, and just as Chaeyoung was about to speak, the cramps made her double over in pain. She heard the crunch of shoes on gravel and felt Mina get closer. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“I’m fine. I mean, not really, but I’ll live.” She squatted and kept her knees close to herself, both for physical and emotional comfort. She looked up at Mina. “When I lived in Korea, I had friends that would call homosexuals disgusting. They kept saying things about it being a choice and how all gay people were molested when they were little. When I came here, I met people who didn’t think that way, people who made me feel like I was normal. Those same people talk about human-EmBot relationships like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world. They think humans who date EmBots are loners who can’t get real partners because there must be something wrong with their heads that makes them unable to connect with others. 

“When I first came out to my parents and told them I had a girlfriend, they yelled at me. They were so mad, they threatened to move away if I didn’t break up with her. They took away my phone, grounded me for months, and told me they wouldn’t help me get my scholarship to study here. It took a lot, but they slowly started treating me like their daughter again instead of a freak of nature... They don’t like EmBots. You fooled me for a bit at first, but if anyone pays enough attention, they’ll know you aren’t human. What do I do if I want you to meet them?” 

“Chaeyoung...” Mina whispered in a voice so soft and lovely, Chaeyoung closed her eyes to enjoy the echoes of her name. 

“I thought I was over it all. The shame, the humiliation, the embarrassment...” She stood and faced Mina. “But I'm not. If I were truly confident in who I am and who I like, I wouldn’t be so scared of being with you. I thought coming to New York would erase all my problems but all it did was distract me from the issues I never had the confidence to face head on.” 

She leaned in and closed the space between them. It was hard not to smile as they moved their lips to the rapid beating of their hearts. Wrapping her arms around the others’ shoulders, Mina tilted her head to deepen the kiss, causing Chaeyoung to sigh deeply. 

They departed. “But I’m done running away. I...” She was breathless. Mina pecked her on the lips. “I’m ready to be brave.” 

“I’ll be brave with you,” said Mina, before going in for another kiss. 

.................................... 

**Pabo [11:23 AM]:** so 

**Pabo [11:23 AM]:** did you kiss her?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**Pabo [11:24 AM]:** ♥smooch smooch♥ looool 

_Read 11:28 AM_

**Pabo [11:55 AM]:** chae come on 

**Pabo [11:55 AM]:** don’t be that way 

_Read 11:56 AM_

**Pabo [12:15 PM]:** CHEAYOUNG 

**Pabo [12:15 PM]:** ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ 

_Read 12:20 PM_

**Pabo [03:12 PM]:** chaeyoung pls respond


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